i just cant believe it….
sad…partly…
happy….a whole bunch of it…
relieve…well…not for now at least…
grateful…i suppose yeahhh….
yeah…i am in the journey of becoming the mrs dot dot dot….
i am anxious,agitated, worried …
and at the same time happy, full filled,so much blessed….and yeahhh…full of love….ahakss…yeakkssss..do i really think so????…:P….
wutever it is….the time has come at the right time with the right person i guess…hmm….hopefully…
pray for me guys….
October 22, 2009
i’m just so fed up wif my life………
everything seems not in the right path…
i wish i could just run………..and just live everything behind…..
i would not give a damn to anything more………
nothing makes me happy….i am not happy…
i am damn not happy…
about every single thing………..
i am in the lowest valley of my life……….when i hate myself so much……
………….
arghhh…it is time not to care of anything more………
i just don’t care…………..
May 2, 2009
been browsing around…i’ve took a look at this long lost friend’s blog that i have been lost track about him for a very loongg time…well…i mean his blog…and yeah…himself too i guess…huhu..aaa…the reason is,i just don’t want to trigger back and make me walk down the memory lane again…it just make feel kind of silly and so naive whenever i thought about it again…and made me laugh hard and well a bit dissappointed with myself too…aaa..those not so good teen’s days i guess…lacking of reasonable common sense…ahaks…:p
emm…well…since it was like 4 years have past….and i am totally okay and fine now to be brought back to this long lost friend…i just pay his site a visit..just to know how his life has been for him…aa…to my surprise he has stopped blogging recently…well…i never expected him to do so for good..he likes to ramble a lot though…blogging is like another world that he lives his life thru….huhu…:P..
well…i wish him all the best….he must have been step into a new phase of life that he decided not to blog any longer…aaa..then all the memories reminding me of him came rushing thru my mind..and guess what….i didnt feel a thing…just the gleeful feeling of how silly i have been…not the dissappointment and guilt i have for myself of being too naive once..it was quite embarassing though..muahaha..i am over it already…then i realized that what makes me a little bit wiser grown up now…=)..
October 27, 2008
the weight scale has been kaput for quite sometimes…and my dear sister has taken the initiative to put it back in one piece…aaa…plus the mirror as well…there is where all the worrying begins…
i hate this…especially when it is after hari raya…so u know what it will be like once u step on it….or whenever u take the glimpse of urself in the mirror..and there when the nightmares begins…whoaaa…reality is just hard for me to absorb..let alone to digest…eeee…geramnyerrr….it would put me totally in a depression whenver it come to this…..sometimes i just have to find things to put the blame on…how shall i do that..in the end of the day…it leaves only me to take all the blame….okay..okay….take the factor of genetic as well…hahhhhh….
so u see…i am really not in the mood to get on my ex trainer back..i’m only got a week and a half before my induction course and BTN…and my focus should be on my booksss…..i was agigated whenever i am thinking of the world i would be in the nearest time…
but now…i am sooo cant wait to be call the scrutinized HO…so i just can put off the extraaaa kilossss that is so unbearable…i would do anything for that…huwaaaaaa…
aaa…the license…urghhhhhhhhhh….i am totally dumb founded with this…
why…why owh why…everything seems so gloomy when the sun shines so brightly….or it is only me …..
October 4, 2008
Yerp..it is happening again today….
I would like to apologize to whom that has been so concern about today….
I am too devastated to reply every each of your smses..
I am way too fragile now to answer every each of your calls…
to my dear..don’t hate if me if i can’t drive…i did really try so hard…but i really could not…nnt kiter tinggal kat tepi hospital jek laa yek…skolah depan umah…
repeating again is really not an option for now….
to have a another deja vu…urghhhh..it is so unbearable…
but one thing, d very least thing i could be proud of myself …
aku dapat menepis godaan kegatalan hari nih…
yeahhhhh….rejoice…rejoice…
I rather failed with dignity…rather than passing with scrutiny…
*sigh*
anyway….if u can’t drive…does it make u a totally helpless loser???….
all i need to do now is bake…bake and bake…aaaa…at least i can do something right…well….nearly get it rite…at least….ahaksss…
September 16, 2008
so it comes to the half of ramadhan already….aaa…cepatnyer maser berlalu…so…seperti suri2 rumah yg lain.(aik…am i eligible to be one…yelaa…i am jobless…so i am entitle to be called one for now.ahaks..:P)..i am busy browsing for recipes for my cookies…urgh…i would not have imagine browsing for recipes is so much harder than baking the cookies itselves..ish…i came across a lot of version to one sort of cookies…hish…how can i possibly choose a good one…so terpaksa laa mengkaji2..i would not want to end up baking with spoilt one…hahaha…sebenarnyer tak nak ngaku tukang buat tuh yg menyepoiltkan recipenyer..:P
well…now i am half done with three sorts kuih raya in 2 days…haha…tapi..huhu…it did not meet up to my expectation….well..i am thinking of another way round…and it just turned out another way round..heyy..but i do get the compliment from my father…haha…sebenarnyer kene paksa cakap sedap…kalo tak i would not stop bothering them with a lot of similar same questions..onlt it is put into another words/sentences but directed to only one meaning…ahahahhaha…:P
emm..welll…..i bake entirely because i just want to put my mind off my JPJ test..aaa..i failed my first attempt…in another way…i felt really down about that…nape yek??..ntahlaa…sbbnyer i was driving for about only 2 precious minutes…and i was proudly announced fail dan2 tuh gak..and in a another hand…i failed the 3 penjuru…aduiiii….itulaa yg palingggggg snggg,,,,and how in the world i did not pass it…ish..masih terngiang2 bunyi tiang tuh jatuh…di depan spectator yg ramai2…and proudly i was the first and only person yg jatuh tiang in the morning session…loser…loser…huhu…
aa,,,itu namanyer bukan rezeki…i remember this one insignificant incident happened while i was doing the dishing..i just about to put into a piece of agar2 into my mouth..only a milimetre away from my lips…and all i could get a slightly taste of it…but unfortunately it slipped away and popped it went into the sinky…see..so no matter how confident and sure we are that something will be in the rite path..kalo Allah kata bukan kiter punyer…mmg bukanlaa jawabnyer…mengucap panjang lepas tuh…Astaghfirullah…
haa…so kenelaa belajar jadi redha…senang bercakap tentang redha…tapi it is even harder to execute it…biasalaa manusia…and same goes with me…tapi at least we know..kadang2 something just not meant to be ours…because HE will grant us much more better than what we lose…maybe not in the same way as we expect it to be….dan hanya Dia saja yg Maha Mengetahui…
Btw…i am going to retest esok nih…so i need all the lucks in this world…
September 14, 2008
huhu..taken the title from the nasyid i heard over and over again in my sister’s car…ala ala nursery rhyme islamic version by yusof islam…best lak lagu nih….definitely if i have my children of my own one day…i’ ll keep them listening to these sort of songs.. biar instill dr kecik2 kasih akan Tuhan dan rasulNya…tak nak jadi jahil mcm mamanyer time kecik2..dok nyanyi twinkle2 litlle star..ba ba black sheep…manalaa tak rmai yg jadi black sheep skang nih…ahakss…:P
short up dates about the first ramadhan after D-6 years….
D-sahur
pergh…sejuk angn pagi tuh.,,menikam2..tapi syahdu lak plak biler dgr azan kejut sahur tuh…i cant remember the last time i had my proper sahur…with my family around…
D-Day
bab nih takderlaa mencabar sgt ..not as wut i tot before this…yelaa..mesia kan terik mataharinyer…kalo kat mosow sejuk2 gituh…tahan pon sat jek…thanks to the rainy days…ngeh ngeh ngeh…adaptation laa orang kater…tapi tunggu laa smnggu lagi..sure cabarannyer sukar dicabar…ahakss…:P
D-pasar ramadhan
aaa,extremely crowded with people..but i am enjoying the atmosphere there…bukannyer beli sgt…sajer suker2 amik feel…ngeh ngeh ngeh…aaa…but the price is shooting high…bayangkan laa kalo 6 taun lepas ayam golek 5-6 ringgit jek sekor..skrang sampai rm15…pergh…tergolek gak tgk harganyer tuh…alih2 balik umah amik asap free jek laa..not to mention other things..kalo dulu bawa 10 rm pi pasar ramadhan…bnyk gak laa leh dapat..skrang..emm..ntahlerr…abih kat mercun kat anak sedara jek laa…
D-iftar
wahhh….dah lama tak merasa berbuka atas tikar mengkuang..tunggu real punyer azan…takderlaa dok dgr azan dalam computer jek…ahakss..:P….tambah2 nih laa first time berbuka dgn anak2 sedara..huhu..nasiblaa i am not maya’s best friend….takderlaa spanjang masa kene kopekkan udang utk dier…since she’s too attached to atuk..so atuk laa pengopek udang setia..cian atuk kan…ahahaha…:P..
D-tarawikh
gosh…it touched my heart so deeply…tak sangka dapat merasa balik perasaan pegi masjid tuh..jemaah ramai2…dgr suara budak2 semangat mengaminkan imam..those small insignificants things gave such a serenity to me…
All my gratidtude to HIM for bestowing me with another chance of these serene moment with my loved ones…and the moment i have been kept away from my family…so that i will appreciate every single thing in my life even more…=)
… Alhamdulillah….
hepi ramadhan all….
September 7, 2008
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